terminals

lifes passing me by.

i just had a look around.. everythings changed so much.

but really what did i expect, everyone would where i am now?

theres nothing left to do.

as easy as i thought it would be to leave now, i still can’t.

dont really know what to post.

trash talk got me really angry and then by the time my blog loaded i forgot what i was angry about.

uni sucks ten dicks, still have to do all my assignments despite special consideration, and because im the person i am it means i’ll still pore over every little thing until its perfect even with a guaranteed pass..

i have a test tomorrow i didn’t go to any lectures for, but i’ve been studying all day, only hitting my stride the past two hours, what a fucking waste of a day. i am the worst at studying until deadline comes and then i barely scrape through. why would uni be any different to the same shit i do with my own life.

ive been offered a getaway but i didn’t take it, which surprised me. i need to be with my family, whether it’s for me or for them. once we’re back on our feet i do need a vacation though.. the last one was kind of weird knowing it would be the last with my father. i’m looking forward to being a tourist again, everything feels new and life is so much easier.

whatever, wish me luck tomorrow.

Everything has changed so much.

I feel like a different person.

It’s like someone flipped a switch and every inhibition I had about expressing myself and being so closed off has been entirely changed. It feels good, but it sucks why.

I keep expecting to wake up and all the flowers are gone and replaced with him.

I don’t know which I’d prefer either… ones very selfish and the other hurts too much.

Time to figure out what i want out of life, because this is way too short to hate.

sigh.

i miss you so much already.

i dont know if they have the internets in heaven, but i hope so..

i played some songs for you last night, you would have loved them.

the yellow letter meant more than you know, even though i knew everything you left me.

i read it where we used to drive. round and round.

i’ll be seeing you on tuesday, i hope your there, mum needs you.

i love you.

the nurses say two weeks.

how can the sun still shine.

how can i still go through the motions.

i need a way out.

its getting harder just to say goodnight.

because sleeping is a deathwish when liquid fills your lungs.