terminals

hit maccas for coffee this morning and the bitch tried to tell me they had no soy milk.
ripped her one, got soy latte, lifes rulin, cruising to 59.
get into work, first in, lights all out, kinda creepy.

it’s 6.45 now and still no-ones gotten in so im working by myself it looks like, its okay. okay, update: turns out this is how the roster falls or someshit and theres only meant to be one other person here that isn’t. works going okay though, this is my last week and we’re not too sure where we go from here. i would usually go back to uni and do like 2 days a week but who knows if that will happen thanks to Mr Economicdownturn.

siked to go back to uni, really need the challenge again and i really think i’ll do better at university without the black cloud of my dads sickness always weighing in the back of my mind. it’s weird, i had like six months of normal 18+ life and then everything went down… it’s going to be good being able to focus on one thing and really get deep into work.

i have skate2, its so sick. I still think I like the first one more though for some reason, maybe because i got the new one on my ps3 instead of my 360. i like how they’ve carried the storyline from the first into the second, but it kind of paints them into a corner for the third one, we’ll see how it ends. i can’t skate for reals because i broke my knee, but this is an adequate substitute. real keen on trading some games in for left4dead too, so many people hate me for loving zombz and not having this.

nearly finished reading let the right one in, its beautiful. i wish i had read the book first and been able to imagine the story my own way before seeing the film, but the films so good i don’t mind too much. set in northern sweden, the book revolves around an odd young boy named oscar. he keeps a scrapbook of news clippings about murders and will most likely shoot up his school one day thanks to a group of bullies who torment him daily. just when things are at their worst for oscar, a young girl named eli, and her ‘father’ move in next door. eli and oscar form a friendship and to cut a long story short, turns out eli is a vampire who was turned in her youth and her jealous ‘father’ is really just a paedophile who does her bidding, such as a series of murders for blood, in exchange for favours. eli and oscar teach each other what they are each missing, leading to oscar becoming much stronger and eli reconnecting with the remnants of her childhood, innocence and humanity. the books so fucking good, theres a new pressing that’s come out here, making the book a lot easier to find in stores, check it ouuuut.

also started reading something tom got me onto, the walking dead. it’s a 50 billion part comic about a zombie apocalypse through the eyes of a police officer searching for his family amidst the chaos. it’s black and white and has amazing art, and i’m told the story gets so good at around issue 50 that i’ll cry. tom bought and let me borrow the first collection softcover so i’ll probably just splash out and get the larger hardcovers or whatever because i can’t be bothered having so many books on my shelf haha.

also up to season 2 of the wire, the first is SO sick but the second one is kinda lacking at the moment. mcnulty ripping up rawls at every opportunity is pretty funny but all the shipping stuff just makes me feel like i’m at work and is hard to watch when i’m not. i don’t think many people realise how spot on the series is, and how easy it is to just steal containers or to smuggle ridiculous shit on shipping/rail containers.

i’m getting bored and the emails are piling up, later.

/mammoth post.

on tuesday i turned 20.
it’s something for some reason i had been dreading, like i’d instantly have to grow up or something. but truth is a grew up a around four months ago. yeah it’s been that long, so weird. heres a list of reasons why i’m old and bitter.

- i don’t look forward to weekends anymore, it’s just more time to think, and i don’t want to think
- i avoid having to go out because going out usually means awkward hellos, freezing train stops and overpriced bullshit.
- i’d rather read a book than see my ‘friends’, but usually that choice is made for me amirite?
- shopping/retail therapy doesn’t feel as good as it used to
- i see the worst in everything, because anything good is too good to be true
- i do not identify with most people my age anymore

whatever, i’m going to rage this weekend and then we’ll see how i feel about everything. maybe i’m being dramatic.

they say the first everything is the hardest. christmas was empty, new years was not celebratory and my birthday was just odd without him. he’d always lurk around snapping photos off that we all knew we would probably never look back on, but he wanted them just in case. the only person i want to see in the photos was behind the camera i guess. i still miss him something shocking, think about him every day. i’m getting used the idea of him being gone but can’t really comprehend how life’s meant to go now, he was too big a part of my life to simply carry on.

my jobs not secure and it kind of sucks.

by going back to uni my jobs pretty much hanging by a thread, and being third year im not even sure i should have a job. i’m keen to go back to uni, but getting used to less moneys going to be weird. cute blonde girl i run into out of uni a lot makes me kind of not care. so i finish here at the end of feb and then after that i guess if im lucky i’ll be doing two days a week or something, maybe one saturday every now and then. still will be making good money from just those shifts though, so i can’t complain. they’re all in a meeting now and i’m in the office ~taking~ all the calls.

went borders yesterday and read your film sucks and rebel without a crew with coffee, ruled.

i’m going to run out of internet time too so i should go.

just finished american psycho at work, sneaking the final chapters in between calls rules.
i didn’t like how frequent the violence became in the last 80 pages, made the earlier butcheries seem so much more tame. I felt it invalidated a lot of the shock factor by getting the reader accustomed to such violent scenes. i know a lot of people take this book seriously and i don’t understand why. i found it ridiculously funny. sure theres some deep stuff going on underneath, but the characterization of Bateman renders most of it as shallow observations. i think the book rules though.
i was determined to finish it so i can go borders and pick something else up, not tooooo sure what i want.

still bitchin out.

going to watch movies with bianca tonight, im hoping to persuade her to army of darkness haha.
halloween this year i want to dress as ash and yell ridiculous one liners like ‘hail to the king baby’ with chainsaw hands.

im going to leave work and hang at borders for a few hours with soy latte and read 10 million books. hoi.

and thus have no idea who this girl is.
jeeeesus.

my body clock is pretty messed up right now.

past two weeks i’ve had late wake ups due to work, now back to a 5am wake up, 6am start and i’m fucking dying.
i’ve devoured two double shots and although my mind is racing, it feels empty. i forgot how this felt..
the ubiquitous dulling headache, the caffeine riddled anxiety, the sunlight pounding against wide dilating eyes.
all. empty.

so these fires are pretty messed up right?
two of my second cousins’ houses have been burned to the ground. they’re all safe, but they’ve lost everything. it could be worse, and i don’t really know them too well, but how hard would that be to leave everything you have to flames, at natures mercy. i feel dissaffected by it all though, not because i don’t care or i don’t have compassion, but because it just isn’t registering in my world for some reason.

it’s times like these my disillusion with the news-media intensifies. when they feed on death and destruction for a quick buck. disguising fire dedicated hour long bulletins as community service, when all they are doing is profiteering from misery by a god given ratings bonanza. when the newslady manically tries to keep a microphone in front of a woman confronted with the burnt remains of her beloved pets, caring more about instigating catching her gasping mental freefall on camera than for her wellbeing, it makes it hard for me to even want any part in journalism. no matter how hard you pad wallets with blood stained money, it will eventually bleed out.

let’s get happy.
i know this girl right, she makes me happy. probably the only person who can put a smile on my face that isn’t for others. i hope this works out, i need it to. i’ll keep you updated.

nearing the end of american psycho. siked to start let the right one in, the films beautiful.
finishing up mad men season 1, starting the wire season 1, finished entourage season 5.
watched eastern promises last night. it’s been on my list for a long time just because i rate anything viggo does. history of violence was okay, but just felt like too much of a microcosm, too concentrated, too dialed in. i guess thats what cronenberg does best, detailed insight into obscure miniature societies, and on eastern promises i think it’s done a whole lot better. dnw naomi watts though, i just don’t think she’s that great. the whole russian mob tattoo culture is a ridiculously entertaining idea running through the movie. used so well.

laterr.

saturday night was pretty odd for me.
i was gearing up to go to a place i intially wasn’t told about going to and that i hate and just broke down
i don’t know why, maybe it’s all the fights i’ve been having with my family, maybe it was time everything boiled over, maybe i miss him that much. i watched the slideshow, my tearducts welled a lot and i got on with life.

i cut my hair pretty badly though.. gotta go get it fixed sometime this week but im procrastinating because i’m so very scared i’ll look like a fuckhead without long hair. nevermind that i look like a fuckhead with it, just that familiarity is a close cousin of safe and normal.

knees healing, so’s the shoulder. i don’t think i’ll ever have the same mobility again, but i never had much to work with anyways, kinda want to get fit to compensate though. i think thats the next goal.

saw role models last night, it was good. i expected a different style of comedy, but it really feels like something new and doesn’t even feel like an apatow film to be honest. the humour is smart and measured and i’m siked to see that paul rudd wrote it. theres something about that guy that makes me want him to be the most successful guy ever. sean william scott was okay, i think the film would have benefitted by having a lesser known actor in the role, but he did well enough.

i’m reading this right now. don’t be an elitist fuck because you have.

i was far too young to read this when it came out, and even too young to see the movie when it hit, but it’s always been on my list of shit to read/watch so i finally found a copy of the book at dymocks (why doesn’t borders stock this?). i like it, you’ve all read it so I won’t go on about it. ive posted before about my inability to control anything in my life aside from my wardrobe or material possessions, and where this book takes it to extremes, i find Bateman extremely identifiable. movie rules too, but i checked that out a long time ago. i can’t stop quoting passages from it to people and everyone in the office probably thinks i’m a serial killer. Plus the cover matches my tote bag.

also: if any of my friends have any Chuck Palahniuk can you let me borrow it? i have a ton of books/comic you can steal in return.