terminals

tonight, i feel exeptionally weird. yeah fuck you, so what if that was a dependant clause.

sometimes i just wish things would just. work. it feels like theres always something in the way and i spend more time navigating the way through it than actually doing it. i don’t even know what i’m talking about to be honest. i actually think my life is heading in the right direction for the first time in a while. my grades are ridiculously good. i’m about to direct my first film. my music is getting inspiring. my family are all doing okay. my friends actually seem to care about me for the minute.

if everything is right, why does nothing feel right.

i think i need time away. not time off. away. i’m going to paris, cannes, madrid, barcelona, jerez, gibraltar, seville and then hitting most of scandinavia (denmark, sweden, norway, iceland, finland). it’s next year and i’m an inch away from booking it. i just can’t bear to do it yet. i felt like after everything it would be perfect to run away and just be done with everything.. but it’s harder than that. counselling really doesn’t teach you things like this.

i’m going to bed because i’m shooting tomorrow. i’m not scared. i’m not scared. i’m not scared.

please repeat until i believe.

Life’s so good, so I don’t understand why I feel so misguided.

My short zombie film is going into production in a few weeks, it’s kind of exciting haha. Already have someone playing me and crew is pretty sweet too. It’s about three friends planning a zombie survival plan just in case during a night in watching night of the living dead, whilst outside, the dead are coming back to life, forcing their hypothetical plans into reality. I wrote the script and I’m directing so you probably won’t see me for a while.

Last night me and Mark hanged out, haven’t seen that dude when I’m not drunk in aeons, reminded me why that dudes so much fun to hang out with sober haha. Tonight is James’ birthday, I have a feeling it’s going to be awkward, not because it’s his birthday or anything but just because of me. I’m just dissapointed.

Watched Children of Men recently for the first (kind of) time. Absolutely amazed. A fucking six minute one-take shot that would take fucking HOURS to set up with explosions, deaths, guns, more explosions and camera movements that would make me die. The realness they give terrorism is outstanding. Cuaron is incredible, trying to track down all his other films.