terminals

i screened my film tonight for the first time. i have a lot of mixed emotions.
maybe it’s the fact i’ve seen it so many times, maybe it’s the fact it played with mostly serious films, maybe people were too drunk to care about it, but i just did not like watching it. it was okay, but i want it to be better than okay.

i guess if i was satisfied with my first film there’d be something wrong but i just want to spend every waking moment fixing it until its right and its getting to me a bit. and yet i want to be done with it. i found it hard to be subjective after seeing it so many times. seeing the same joke during editing 50 times kills the joke and you just hope it makes sense to the audience. it really didn’t tonight.

mostly i’m just annoyed with myself. as hard as i worked, i should have worked harder. been more prepared. not bend to what other people say. i guess it’s all a learning process so next time (and there will definitely be a next time) things will be right.

i feel miserable.

satisfaction is the death of desire